Social Skills 101

Greetings, and welcome to the third video in this series on interpersonal effectiveness. In the previous video, we learned the DEAR Adult skill to advocate, appreciate, and apologize. In this video, we will learn a few more tips for effective negotiation, effective compromise, and effective refusal. So let’s get started.

Okay. So, There are many ways to negotiate effectively. So here are a few examples: to think dialectically, to think win-win, to turn the tables, to take partial responsibility, to offer to be a part of the solution, to use connect talk as opposed to control talk, and to dialogue about principles rather than positions. So You’ve probably already noticed that, you know, these are themes that we’ve already talked about when in the previous video when we learned the DEAR Adult skill. So, these interventions that I am going to talk about in this video, these, these can be tips to keep in mind as you're doing a formal DEAR Adult intervention. But even if you're not doing a formal DEAR Adult, these are still really good techniques to keep in mind. And you're going to notice lots of overlap from the previous video, not to mention some overlap from other videos in this program.

Gottman, J. S., & Gottman, J. (2015). 10 principles for doing effective couples therapy. National Geographic Books.,Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.,Reutter, K. (2019). The dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook for PTSD: Practical exercises for overcoming trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder. New Harbinger Publications.

So, for example, the first technique, think dialectically. Obviously, this is not a new concept. We have covered this before in depth. But just as a quick review, to think dialectically in a practical sense means to let go of black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking. Instead, look for those shades of gray. To think dialectically also means to remember that there’s always more than one perspective. And therefore, thinking dialectically that means, in a very practical sense, to find the grain of truth in a perspective that you disagree with, right, even in perspectives that you disagree with. Those are especially the perspectives that you need to find the grain of truth.

Gottman, J. S., & Gottman, J. (2015). 10 principles for doing effective couples therapy. National Geographic Books.,Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.,Reutter, K. (2019). The dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook for PTSD: Practical exercises for overcoming trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder. New Harbinger Publications.