Interpersonal Effectiveness for Trauma: Overview

United States Department of Homeland Security

The goal of the interpersonal effectiveness skill set can be summarized as learning to meet your wants and needs while balancing acceptance and change within relationships.
Assertiveness refers to the middle path between too passive on one hand and too aggressive on the other hand. We are assertive when we adopt an attitude of win-win.
You can think of interpersonal effectiveness as a stool with the following three legs: advocate, appreciate, and apologize. A healthy relationship requires a balance of all three.
There are many ways to negotiate effectively. For example, think dialectically, think win-win, turn the tables, take partial responsibility and to compromise.
The four behaviors which most predict dissolution of relationships, including divorce are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.
Criticism and defensiveness often trigger each other and therefore result in a two-person Stupid Cycle. Contempt and stonewalling are more intense forms of criticism and defensiveness and result in an even more toxic cycle.
Another dysfunctional pattern that tends to play out in relationships is the Drama Triangle, which involves endless iterations of the victim, rescuer, and abuser roles.
Rather than resolving conflict, these roles only perpetuate it indefinitely. That’s why this is another opportunity to act opposite. The opposite of a victim is a creator, the opposite of a rescuer is a coach, and the opposite of an abuser is a challenger.